Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Bill Maher on ...

I don’t know what got me into Bill Maher today. I saw something on a blog that got me started researching his various opinions on religion, pedophilia, the Iraqi war, George Bush and a few other topics. I tried to copy only what I felt were his honestly held opinions as opposed to humorous statements designed solely to get a laugh. At the end of this post I have listed all of the sources that I used in case anyone might wish to follow them and see all the stuff that I did not include. Obviously there is a lot that I left out. The problem with a funny man like Maher is that it is difficult to separate the closely held beliefs from the ones designed to just get a laugh and one begins to suspect that maybe almost everything he says represents his personal beliefs. If that is so, then I think Maher is a sick guy.

Religion:
I think that religion stops people from thinking.

I think it justifies crazies.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

God... wrong on defense. Wrong for America.

When you look at beliefs in such things as, do you go to heaven, is there a devil, we have more in common with Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened than us.

The future does not belong to religion.

We bitch about gas, but adjusted for inflation, it's the same price it was back when the Pope was a Nazi.

Folks, let me sum it up for you: I think religion is bad and drugs are good.

I said I didn't respect religion, any religion, any one who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer.
George W. Bush, Presidency:
This idea that George Bush has more integrity — he won the White House on that, “restoring integrity”-- he has no more integrity than the other politician, he just screws his own wife.

Because you know what happens to soldiers who disobey direct orders? That's right. They become the President of the United States!

I think stereotypes are true, abstinence is a perversion, Bush's lies are worse than Clinton's and there's nothing sexy about being old or pregnant.

I think September 11th changed nothing and if I had known the onset of war would add 100 points to George Bush's IQ, I would have started one.

He's got a strong will, he knows what he wants, he goes after it, he sticks to his guns, he wanted this war and he got it.

Bush's lies, like the worst of all political lies, are ones that effect you and me. "Drugs fund terrorism" is a horribly damaging lie, because it is of course OIL that funds terrorism. Clinton's lies were about sex, which if Republicans would get more of, maybe they'd stop caring about.
George W. Bush, 2004 Campaign:
Guys who even in down-to-earth, economically-ailing Ohio, thought blowjobs more important than job-jobs.

Trust me, you can't get away from Bush by moving to France. Because that's where we're invading next.

Yes, it's true, the only thing that stands between us and packs of carnivores eating us alive is a retarded cowboy, his heart-diseased sidekick and their lesbian daughter, Butch.

Let me read a quote from Kim Jong Il. He said this just the other day, I think. He's talking about President Bush, and he said, 'He is a half-baked man in terms of morality and a Philistine whom we can never deal with. His remarks often stun audiences as they reveal his utter ignorance.' Now, if the Democrats had had the guts to talk about Bush like that, wouldn't we now be dealing with President Kerry?
Republicans and Red State Voters:
And, two, the Republicans actually like the idea of our most sensitive diplomatic post being helmed by a raging psychopath.

Stop saying that blue state people are out of touch with the values and morals of the red states. I'm not out of touch with them. I just don't share them. In fact, and I know this is about 140 years late, but to the Southern States, I would say, "Upon further consideration, you CAN go. I know that's what you've always wanted, and we've reconsidered. So go ahead. And take Texas with you.

The time when blue states and red states come together because we have so much to offer each other. "Spice Rack" meet "Gun Rack." "Picky about bottled water," say hello to "Drinks from a garden hose." "Bought an antique nightstand at an estate sale," meet "Uses a giant wooden spool he stole from the phone company as a coffee table.

Hey, say what you will about the Republicans, they do stand for something: Armageddon, but it's something.

Don't punish rednecks for being rednecks. This week, NASCAR fined Dale Earnhardt, Jr., for publicly saying the words, "It don't mean shit." You can't fine a redneck for that. That's not just an expression to them, it's the entire redneck philosophy! Lost your job? It don't mean shit. Wife run off with the UPS man? Don't mean shit. Entire rationale for a war proves to be false? It don't mean shit. That's the beauty of the lifestyle. If rednecks had to pretend they cared about stuff, they'd be yuppies.

You know, I don't think people should lose their jobs for saying one thing, as we were talking about before, even though what he said was pretty disgusting, and think he is a racist. I think he's a shifty-eyed liar. (Trent Lott)

Yes, because he's the president's flack. He has to say that. Of course, that's his job, is to lie for the other person while he's not lying. We all know that that's not true. I mean, it is not a coalition of the willing. It's a coalition of the bribed. (Ari Fleischer)
Michael Jackson and Pedophilia:
I think that there is no perspective. People have no perspective, especially about crime. You know, zero tolerance. You know, of course, nobody ever wants to see a child, you know, diddled. That’s just plain wrong. But even the people who are testifying against him, they’re saying that he serviced them. They didn’t service him.

I was savagely beaten once by bullies in the schoolyard. Savagely beaten. If I had a choice between being savagely beaten and being gently masturbated by a pop star. It’s just me.
Drugs:
A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.
War in Iraq:
One, that Saddam Hussein has bad weapons, and I do say -- I agree, he has chemicals. I bet you he has chems and nukes -- and bios. I don't think he has nukes.

Lay off France. At least they're standing up to the Bush administration, which is more than I can say for the Democrats.

And by the way, it doesn't make me un-American to say, I'd rather live in Paris than in places where cheese only comes in individually- wrapped slices.

I mean, I think, Iraqis, I think, feel that if we drove smaller cars, maybe we wouldn't have to kill them for their oil.

What we know is they wanted to go into Iraq , and they always work on two tracks: here’s what we want to do; what do we have to tell the dummies to sell it? Okay, fear works best, it’s always been good to us. Let’s try that again: fear.

But lest we forget, last month, the people of Iraq risked death and danger to send a simple inspiring message: "America get out of our country!"

We just said, you know what, the world is a tough place, and we have to sometimes support bad people to be a bulwark against even worse people. And that's what we would have if Saddam was still in Iraq. We would have $200 billion more in our bank, in our coffers for America. We would not have the world hating us. We would not have the entire Arab world out for jihad because we have invaded the heart of the Muslim world. And we would have a guy in Iraq, by the way, who would never, ever have allowed a terrorist bastion in Iraq. Saddam Hussein didn't care about jihad and Allah and all that stuff. He cared about power and keeping his power. He would have made sure Iraq was his and not the province of these guys who are cutting off people's heads. He was the head-cutter in that country.
Americans and America:
We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.

The next reality show must be called "America's Stupidest State." We'll start at 50, and each week, if your state does something really stupid with, say, evolution or images of the Virgin Mary, you'll move on to the next round. Now, of course, the final five will always end up being Alabama, Utah, Kansas, Texas and Florida. Sorry, Tennessee.

Now, Americans this week have acted like the so-called "runaway bride" is crazy for skipping town rather than marrying a Sunday school teacher in Duluth, Georgia. Ah, yes, the good life: the bake sales, the prayer meetings, the abortion protests, who could just walk away from all that?

Anger is what made America what it is in the world today: a hulking pariah whose only friends are toadies and sheiks.

If you're so sure the embryos needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't be destroyed, then implant one in your uterus and bring it to term.

Put your cervix where your mouth is. Now, right now in America, there are thousands of stem cells sitting in fertility clinics that are not allowed to be used for research, will be destroyed after a year or two, and could be right now implanted in a lady's hoo-hoo - to make a screaming, mewling infant that would, ironically, make you sorry you were ever born.

It seems to me like nowadays there's two kinds of issues in America. There's the kind that's too Byzantine and boring for the average Joe to even know what's going on. You know, the environment and the filibusters and the gerrymandering and what did Tom DeLay do on vacation. And then the really stupid issues that they can understand like Terri Schiavo and gay marriage. And it seems to me the American people have become completely irrelevant.

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

I think pornography stops rape, AIDS ribbons are stupid, and flag burning makes me feel patriotic.

No doesn't always mean no - well, that's what we call a rude but true. It is of course not a license to go out and rape, just an admission of the reality that getting from point A (not engaged in sex) to point B (having sex) is not without a little gameplaying sometimes, much like selling insurance.
Sources:
World Net Daily
brainyquote.com
bellaciao.org
NRO
audiobookstoday.com
HBO
Fuzzy Blogic
Bill Maher

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