Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Belgium: US news media asleep at the wheel -- not so Mark in Mexico

Where are Google, My Yahoo, Memeorandum, Lucianne et al when a big story breaks about political strategizing outside the box? Asleep at the wheel, so to speak. Not so Mark in Mexico.

From Belgium comes this hard hitting report of a Belgian Senate candidate who was being buried by the exhorbitant promises made by her opponents. So she has retaliated.

Tania Derveaux is offering 40,000 jobs, er, bl**jobs, that is, on a, ahem, first come first served basis. In the interest of consumer protection, here are a couple of photos of Senate candidate Derveaux.

Now, to be perfectly fair, Reforma is all over this story. And to be more than fair, the only links to this story that I could find when writing this post were in German, French and the aforementioned Spanish language Reforma.

Reforma reports that Ms. Derveaux has placed this announcement on her website, link thoughtfully not provided (I don't want to arrive and find myself in place number 40,001). What you must do is, first, vote for Ms. Derveaux. Then, after casting said vote, you may apply for your, er, reward at her website. If selected, you then get in line, I guess.

Reforma reports that there are some rules that must be followed in order to collect on Ms. Derveaux's campaign promise, which, she assures us, is not merely a lick-and-a-promise.
1. You must be of legal age of consent. I'm of an age where I'll consent to just about anything -- of this nature, that is.
Consenting adult. To what, he does not care.

2. You must use protection. I'll come equipped with my trusty .45 Buntline Special, impressive in the length and diameter of its barrel, as well as its heft, as well as its muzzle velocity, as well as . . . you get the idea.

.45 Buntline Special, carried for protection.

This might be more like it, truth be told.

3. You must use adequate hygiene. I'll pass through a Turbo Car Wash prior to my, uh, appointment with the aspiring, young politician and the local Jet Wash afterwards.

Adequate hygiene -- before and after
Soft Touch? That's a nice touch.

4. You may not exceed the time limit of five minutes. Five minutes? Uh-oh.

Tick . . . tick . . . tick . . .

5. You must agree not to attempt any other type of physical contact.

No other physical contact possible . . . that's what Lecter said, anyway.
That does bring up some interesting arithmetic, however. Five minutes times 40,000 is, approx, 200,000 minutes or, approx, 3,333 1/3 hours or, approx, 416 2/3 eight-hour days. Man days, so to speak. That's more than a year. A lot more than a year. In fact, it is well more than a year and a half if she takes weekends off. If, or rather when she gets elected, I don't see how she's going to have much time for legislating. In Europe, they don't perform any jobs -- any type of jobs -- on weekends. That's going to be a long line.

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