"I send warm greetings to Muslims in the United States (who will be voting en masse for my opponent) and around the world as they begin observance of Ramadan, the holiest season in their faith.
By teaching the importance of compassion, justice, mercy, and peace, the Koran has guided many millions of believers across the centuries.
In fact, I am sending some gifts to you all to help in the teaching of compassion, justice, mercy, and peace."
Well, first of all, I'd like you to have some F15 Strike Eagles.
And you really can't do without a few of these, the A10 Thunderbolt Warthog (you know, heh heh, warthog, the other white meat).
And these will really help, 50 or so AH-64 Apache attack helicopters. Enjoy!
And last, but not least, for that little added personal touch, U.S. Marine snipers! Hundreds of'em!! Wheeee!
And don't forget, Ramadan occurs every year at this time when the Yankees are always number one!!!
(The president's statement was edited for maximum effect.)