Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Oaxaca, Mexico: APPO kidnaps Jaime Bond, Juan Steed and Juancho Bauer

The APPO snatched two policemen in civvies off the downtown streets today. The two were accused of being spies for the governor, Ulises Ruiz Ortiz. The two were captured after a daring rooftop-to-rooftop chase that included swooping hang glider flights, smoke bombs, machine gun fire, little-old-lady-from-Pasadena disguises and a Vespa that ran out of gas. They were swarmed under before either could bite into his cyanide capsule.

Jaime Bond and Juan Steed disguised as off duty policemen.

Bond is wearing a sign that says, "I am Ulises' spy." Steed is wearing a sign that says, "No, I am Ulises' spy." APPO is tonight requesting that the real "Ulises' spy" please stand up. Both top-secret agents are being held at Benito Juárez University while APPO's crack legal team decides what is to be done with them.

The government's spokesman, José Luis Concha, called the kidnappings and illegal incarcerations of two police officers "a minor incident."

Kidnappings, illegal incarcerations, holding persons against their will . . . minor incidents . . . heh, heh, heh.

In a related note, accused spy Juancho Bauer, disguised as a simple downtown merchant, was also captured by APPO's crack, no-nonsense anti-insurgency team when caught taking photos in the Zócalo where his alleged business is located. He is being held at the university's law school, which is downtown, and this confirms that Benito Juárez University is now totally under the control of the APPO. The APPO reminds everyone that no photos are allowed in, on or about the Zócalo.

The APPO is awaiting noted fifth columnist Mark in Mexico who is expected to turn himself in at any moment. Meanwhile, the APPO's English language specialists are trying to make sense of a note received from Mark in Mexico that referenced "ice skating in hell".

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