Thursday, March 08, 2007

Oaxaca, Mexico: Local superstitions zero in on Coke's Zero

They've just introduced Coca Cola Zero here and already the anti-American lies, half truths, supertstitions, myths and fables have sprouted up. Led, no doubt, by those disaffected, long haired, Birkenstock wearers who used to meet every Tuesday at the Welty institute. That's just up the street from ADO a couple of blocks and across the street from a coffee shop that used to be pretty nice until its service went to hell.

I'm watching you.

Anyway, the rumors and lies are a'flyin'. Rumor has it that Coca Cola Zero has been banned in the USA by the FDA because it is poison. Rumor has it that Coca Cola Zero contains benzene and causes cancer in children. Rumor has it that the mighty Coca Cola Company has decided to unload its massive inventory of Coca Cola Zero syrup on unsuspecting and helpless campesinos in Oaxaca, Mexico.

What a load of crap. None of the above rumors are true. Coca Cola, along with Pepsi and a whole host of smaller bottlers, has been sued many times over the past few years by money grubbing shyster lawyers over benzene content. Let's take a look at that.

Coca Cola products, like those of Pepsi and all the rest, are NOT (NOT) produced with benzene. However, under certain conditions of light, heat or heat and light, Vitamin C (ascorbic acid) and benzoates used in the soft drink recipes can react to form benzene inside the already canned or bottled products. The FDA has, somewhat wearily, taken a look at this issue about a thousand times and all lawsuits not settled by the frightened smaller bottlers have been thrown out of court.

Coke and Pepsi refuse to be cowed by a bunch of John Edwards types who seem, or rather, seemed to think that meritless nuisance lawsuits would cow the 2 big players. Not so, sayeth Coke and Pepsi. In any event, the latest round of ambulance chasers struck back in August and managed to get two small time bottlers to promise to change their recipes and pay $35,000 each towards the legal bills of the fake clients rounded up by the shysters (one was a shyster's next-door neighbor -- "Hey, Bubba. Sign this here dock-yew-munt, will yuh? We be gonna make millions, har, har.").

Coke said, "Call the FDA." The American beverage Association says, "Repeated reviews by the FDA over the years continue to turn up the same answer: there is no threat to the health of consumers." Coke and Pepsi lawyers are as weary of all this as is the FDA and federal judges must be getting just as tired.

However, it is much easier to convince uneducated campesinos in Oaxaca, Mexico to believe that Coca Cola and the CIA, acting under orders directly from George W. Bush, as best he was able to understand the instructions he received from Dick Chaney, who is a mere puppet of the worldwide Jewish cabal and its nefarious, two millenia long attempts to corner the world market on used foreskins, are engaged in a vile conspiracy to once and for all eliminate the Zapotecs from the Oaxaca central valleys area which the Mixtecs, Aztecs, Spanish, PEMEX and the PRI have all been unable to do.

And special agent Mark in Mexico, planted here some years ago in eager anticipation of the massive, approaching death toll, is here to count the bodies.

Please visit the Pale Horse Galleries online store
for art, gifts and collectibles -- all hand made
by Mexican indigenous artists.

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