The women, some trembling, grasp the assault rifles and awkwardly lower themselves into sniper positions as they take aim and fire at white targets in the distance.Hugo Chavez's new two million-strong Venezuelan civilian militia, whose hilarious motto is, "Fatherland Or Death", has no weapons. They are being trained to march and shoot, 900 volunteers at a time, in 20 week courses being directed by another middle-aged fat-ass named Rafael
Lessee, here; 2,000,000 volunteers being trained at the rate of 900 per 20 week course means that the 2,000,000 volunteers will be fully trained and ready for combat (sans guns) against the invading Yanqui horde in 44,444 weeks, or 855 years. Will George Bush, the "crazy man", still be president in 855 years? I doubt that, but Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid fear that it might be so. Chavez himself says, "If somebody meddles with Venezuela, they'll repent for 100 centuries. If we have to fight a war to defend this country, we'll make the blood flow."
The civilian volunteers, realizing that it is their blood that will be doing the flowing and demonstrating somewhat more intelligence than their leader, Hugo "El Chingon" Chavez, are casting about somewhat desperately in search of real guns, as when
"For defence one needs arms," he says. "It's logical."No shit, Sherlock. Venezuela is now receiving shipments of a total of 100,000 Kalashnikov rifles recently purchased from Russia, as well as Russian helicopters to ferry the dead and dying, I suppose. That would mean one rifle for every 20 members of the civilian "Fatherland Or Death" militia. That reminds me, somewhat, of the Russian defense of Stalingrad, where every other man got a rifle and every odd man got the bullets. The bullet-carriers were instructed to pick up the rifles if - no - when the original riflemen were shot dead. El Chingon will have 19 militiamen available to pick up the rifle, one at a time, as each succeeding rifleman is shot dead by the invading Yanqui horde and then the Russian helicopters would remove the cannon fodder. Excellent strategy if I do say so myself.
Volunteers are being motivated by their highly professional trainers with shouts of,
"Kill the gringo! That gringo is taking away your women!"Taking away Venezuelan women? What, are they expecting an imminent shortage of floor moppers, toilet cleaners and tomato street-saleswomen in East LA? Are they expecting Mexico to run out of women in the near (855 year) future? Hmmmm. At the rate that they currently are walking, wading, swimming and otherwise streaming across the border out of Mexico, that indeed might happen.
Not all of the volunteers demonstrate an accurate idea as to the requirements for modern combat against the invading Yanqui horde, however.
"I'm learning to defend my Fatherland and myself," she says. "It has nothing to do with weapons."So, with what will she defend herself and her fatherland, TIFAL frying pans, broomsticks and a flyswatter? Some of the female volunteers do seem to get it.
"It was exciting, too good," gushed Yomaira Alas, a 28-year-old housewife, afterTAGS: Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, Fatherland Or Death
sex with an invading US Marinefiring the gun for the first time.