MY MAGIC HAT




The Story of the Hat

I never go anywhere without my magic hat, just like John Kerry. However, my magic hat is much too large to fit in a secret compartment in my black valise, or any compartment, for that matter. Therefore, I must carry it secretly hidden away in a Maytag side-by-side refrigerator shipping box, which I am never without.

This hat was a gift given to me by Pancho Villa himself, during a top secret "black ops" dropoff up the Blue Nile. This type of dangerous secret mission is usually not referred to as "drop off", but Pancho objected to using the word "insertion", especially when it was just he and I alone on the river.

This operation took place in 1942, on direct orders of then president Andrew Johnson, and we had been given this assignment in spite of the constant threat of hostile fire from members of the American Expeditionary force, under the command of Gen. Anthony Wayne, who had been sent there by President Andrew Jackson. Complicating matters more was the neverending danger of wounds by the ever present rose thorns, which had also been sent by President Jefferson.

I must warn you that all parties "in the know" about this assignment will deny all knowledge of it, including President Hayes, Gen. Xerxes, Col. Doolittle, King Herod, Col. Custer (deceased), Peter Pan as well as Zapata himself, who, as I mentioned above, gave me the hat.

In fact, if you are reading this, I'll have to kill you. POW!

Update: This memory is, of course, seared, seared into my memory.