A united Iraq?

Reuters is reporting on renewed calls for a semi-autonomous Shiite region in the oil rich south of Iraq. UPDATE: The Washington Post has now weighed in, also. The Kurds have already won some degree of autonomy in the north. The Sunnis in the middle, who have for more than a thousand years, and continue to this day, to murder Kurds and Shiites with great relish, are in a panic. They are weeping over the prospect of losing their control over the oil in the north and the south. They'll be left with Baghdad and a few other hotspots of murder and mayhem.

I say, why not? The Kurds are good people. They have stuck by us through thick and thin. The thin part coming when Bush I abandoned them to the tender mercies of Saddam Hussein and his murdering thugs who proceeded to gas thousands of Kurdish men, women and children. The Kurds are treated like dirt in Turkey and in Iran. I say, give them a homeland. Add another pro-US vote in the UN, that of Kurdistan. The Turks will wail and threaten invasion. That's OK, too. Imagine how much easier and safer it will be for our troops when they are pulled out of central and southern Iraq and only have to defend the Kurds, who have done a pretty damned good job of that, themselves. Imagine what an royal ass-whipping would be laid on the Turks if they were so foolish as to carry out their threats.

Now imagine the independent nation of Kurdistan some 20 years in the future as compared to Sunniland and Iranland. Business, banking, oil, manufacturing, constitutional law, human rights, religious freedom, women's rights, schools and universities (30% of which will bear the name of George W. Bush) will flourish in Kurdistan. In 20 years, under our stern protection, the Kurds won't need us anymore. Their economy will bury those of Sunniland and Iranland, as well as those of Turkey, Syria, Iran, Egypt and Jordan. Let the Shiites and Sunnis have their ridiculous Sharia law. Let their women walk around sweltering in head to toe masks (they won't be allowed to drive). Let the loud mouthed Saudis support their poor brothers in the center of Iraq and the Iranians and Saudis fight an ongoing, revenue draining, resource sucking guerrilla war all along the new Saudi-Iranland border.

I don't have any problem with that at all.

Saleh al-Mutlak, a leading Sunni Arab politician, told Reuters: "We hoped this day would never come. We believe that the Arabs, whether Sunni or Shi'ite, are one. We totally reject any attempt to stir up sectarian issues to divide Iraq."

Oh, really? The Sunni and Shia are one? This report puts the lie to that statement. And a Shia official asks,

"What have we got from the central government but death?"

That answer is easy. More death. We need to call some bluffs, here and tell the Iraqi Shia, the Iranians and the Saudis to put their money where their mouths are. We need to call the Shia's bluff that they think they can go it alone. We say, "OK, we leave 30 days after the day you are granted autonomy, except for this gigantic military base which we will keep. We'll pay you, um, $1,000,000 per year rent on the place and will only leave it to crush any invasion by anyone anywhere or to invade anyone we want. Bye" We tell the Sunnis, "You want us out, OK, we're outa here, except for this gigantic military base which we will keep. We'll pay you, um, $1,000,000 per year rent on the place and will only leave it to crush any invasion by anyone anywhere or to invade anyone we want. Bye"

We ask the Kurds, "OK, where do you want us to park our military and how soon can the doctors, judges, engineers, educators, parliamentarians and businessmen begin arriving?" You know what their answer would be? "Anywhere you think you need to be and tomorrow is not soon enough."

We and the Kurds gather up all the Arabs imported by Hussein to take over Kurdish property and send them packing back to their slums in Baghdad. We draw a line in the sand 5 miles deep, south of the Kurdistan/Sunniland border, west of the Kurdistan/Syrian border and east of the Kurdistan/Iranian border and patrol it 24/7 with joint US/Kurdistan personnel. We give the current residents 30 days to get the hell out and then we kill anything or anyone who so much as moves inside that 5 mile no-man's land. If our personnel are fired upon from outside that 5 mile limit, we flatten everything in the area, schools, hospitals, homes and villages included. If Turkey gives us too much grief, the "5 miles of YOUR territory" rule can be repeated in the north.

And we grant Israel, say, 2 billion dollars to finish and arm their wall so that the useless, bloodthirsty Palestinians are confronted by a wall bristling with steel.

No more mister nice guy.

There, I've solved the Middle East problem today. I think I'll take a nap.

TAGS: Iraq, Kurds, Kurdistan