Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Extraordinary Awards

"He stuck by. He didn't walk away."
"He was an ordinary guardian who carried out his duties in extraordinary ways."
Michael Schiavo, as described by the Florida State Guardianship Association which has chosen him as its "Distinguished Guardian of the Year" for 2005.

In keeping with this spirit of Extraordinary Awards, Mark in Mexico has learned of some other awards announced by various extraordinary organizations.

Distinguished Guard Dog of the Year Award (tie) to Bane and Hera, two Presa Canario dogs, by the San Francisco Chapter of the SPCA. Remarking on the dogs fearless defense of their master, San Francisco SPCA President Daniel T. Crain said that the dogs' brave defense of owner Marjorie Knoller, who was threatened by neighbor Diane Whipple when Whipple inserted her key in the lock of her own apartment, was carrying out their duties in extraordinary ways and that they didn't walk away. The dogs ripped the throat out of neighbor Whipple before she could carry out her nefarious plan to open her own front door. A jury didn't quite see it that way, but that was no problem for Mr. Crain and the SF/SPCA.

Distiguished Man-eating Water Dweller Award to Moby Dick, by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). This award was renamed from the previous man-eating fish award when PETA couldn't find the shark responsible for the latest death of a human. Said PETA spokesman Paul McCartney, "Moby stuck by. He didn't walk away." To which Pamela Anderson added, "Absolutely! Roast me, boil me, poach me. Whatever you've got to do, let's get it done."

Distinguished Handicapped Muslim Award, American Division to the blind sheikh Omar Abdul Rahman, by CAIR (Council on American-Islamic relations). Omar is serving a life sentence for the first World Trade Center bombing. Speaking of the recipient, CAIR spokesman spokesman Ibrahim Hooper said that Omar. " . . . stuck by. He didn't walk away."

Distinguished Handicapped Muslim Award, Palestine Division to the quadraplegic sheikh Ahmed Yassin, by Hamas, the terrorist organization that he founded. Sheikh Yassin, who sucked up an Israeli missile, was described by a hooded Hamas spokesman as someone who, " . . . stuck by. He didn't walk away."

Distinguished Savior of Innocent Hostages Award to Vladimir Putin, by the Russian People. This award is granted to Putin for his rescue of some 500 schoolchildren held hostage in a school in Beslin. During the seige, Putin pledged to "save the life and health of those who became hostages." Only about 200 young children were massacred during the rescue. Said a statement issued by a Russian peoples's spokesman named Beria, "Putin stuck by. He didn't walk away." Note: Putin was also a close runner-up for the Distinguished Sunken Russian Submarine Rescue award, which we understand will be awarded to the British Royal Navy for the rescue of the Russian rescue sub "AS-28 Priz" and to a Russian salvage company for the rescue of the hulk of the Kursk.


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