Bowling for Castro

Fidel Castro :arrived in Puerto La Cruz to visit his favorite lapdog, Hugo Chavez, and said:

"This may be the only visit I've made in which there was no plan to attack me, simply because I wasn't going to make the trip."

"During 40 years, every time I have left the country they have organised plans to attack me, without exception."

"I have had to make things up all my life in order to survive, which is a miracle."

To which Chavez wept and slobbered,

"You are a miracle, Fidel."

How little do they know. They know not how close they came to assassination. I had planned to attend the Caribbean oil summit myself and drop my bowling ball on Castro's head, knocking off Chavez with the ricochet. However, my car's engine failed on the way to the airport due to crummy Pemex gasoline and I missed my flight.

Castro also claimed that men with high-powered rifles with infrared sights with a range of 1200 meters had planned to kill him in the past. 1200 meters? That would be, um, lessee here, about 1320 yards or 3/4 of a mile. I don't think I can see anything smaller than a barn at 3/4 of a mile and couldn't hit that with any weapon short of a Tomahawk cruise missile.

I'll rely on my trusty Brunswick Absolute Inferno 16 pounder, thank you.