To Whom it may concern,
I am writing this open letter to the Benevolent Association rather than to the official NYPD contact address so that no well meaning official might waylay it and keep it from those of you who should see it. Waylay it, divert it, ambush it, dry gulch it, whatever you prefer.
I present you with a direct quote from today's newspaper, The New York Sun;
The arrest of an organizer of an anti-war gathering yesterday at Union Square that featured Cindy Sheehan provoked a furious reaction from protesters, who pressed up against police officers and called them "pigs," "fascists," and "Stalinists."As a citizen of the world, an interested observer of the human condition and, most dangerous of all, a blogger, I respectfully request, no, demand that in the future you cease and desist from confronting Cindy Sheehan and her ilk with your specialists in pigism, fascism and Stalinism. I respectfully request, no, demand that you send out only your very finest jack-booted, brownshirted Nazi thugs the next time she and her ragged band of gay, er, merry followers befoul your fine city. Please keep the pigs, fascists and Stalinists in the station. Only in this way can you avoid injuring the feelings of our friends Signor Berlusconi and Comrade Putin as well as the many offspring of Babe.
I caution you not to ignore this demand. You do not understand these people as we in the blogosphere do. Merely stepping on one's Birkenstocks can bring down the ACLU on your heads. Yanking on one's backpack can be cause to refer you to the International Criminal Court in The Hague (Holland, where the Dutch people live, wooden shoes, thumb in the dike, etc.) and the fearless and vicious-as-a-pit bull prosecutor, Carla Del Ponte. Do not cross swords with Ms. Del Ponte. She will clean your clock, just ask Slobberdan Milosevic. His trial has dragged on for years due to delays caused by, as he wrote to the court, "Reasons of health. She makes me sick."
I hope you take this letter in the spirit in which it is intended, that of helping you to understand your enemy, er, peaceful anti-American protester. Also, this letter should help you understand that, in the eyes of Ms. Sheehan and her don't-have-a-job-and-don't-give-a-damn legions, the daily duties of your pigs, fascists and Stalinists should be restricted to writing parking tickets and protecting every tin pot dictator and bemedaled banana-and-narco republic head of state that comes to visit his money at the United Nations HQ in Turtle Bay. The anarchists in the streets, or, more specifically, Union Station, should be addressed only with your most senior jack-booted, brownshirted Nazi thugs.
Mark in Mexico
CC: Carla Del Ponte, ICC, The Hague (in case you are not paying attention)
TAGS: Cindy Sheehan, protest, NYPD