Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Sex makes people healthy, cheerful, strong, beautiful and sleepy

So says Pravda. The USSR has been defunct now for some years so I am confident that this report is not some cheap commie propaganda, for which Pravda was notorious.

As with most articles published in Pravda in English, this one suffers from some interesting translations. For instance, this sentence. "The majority of humans use sex as the most pleasant and available remedy for a whole bouquet of problems." Bouquet...interesting choice of words there. And then this one that I am still trying to translate from English to English; "Good quality sex produces a spiritually elevating effect on the chemical level, which does not require any additional efforts." Does that mean that, with good sex, the expensive wining and dining part is unnecessary? Or does this mean that additional chemical support is not necessary? I leave the definition of "chemical" up to the imagination of the reader.

The report details some things about sex that we all knew, like, it's fun...usually. Sex increases production of endorphin - the hormone in charge of elevated spirits and positive perception of the environment. That may be the trouble with those Greenpeace people. Not enough good sex which causes them to view the environment less than positively. Also the production of estrogen with women - the substance which eases premenstrual pains. The report states, "Therefore, sex is the best painkiller." That depends on where you're hurtin', I'm certain.

These two little nuggets of information tucked inside the report did surprise me. First, the report claims that regular sex enlarges women's breasts. "Sexual excitement intensifies the bloodstream, which may add 25 percent to a woman's breast size." I didn't know that. The mind boggles at the almost infinite number of puerile comments this may provoke. Secondly, and almost as mind bogglingly puerile commentingly provocative is this claim. That with good sex women can raise their IQ with every orgasm that they experience. If this is truly true, I know a lady who should have an IQ of at least 900. So why does it more often seem like 70? I will have to devote more study to this particular claim made in the report, including requisite field trials.

All in all, a fun read.


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