I'm a modern man

I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium; digital and smoke-free.
A diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern deconstructionist;
politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I've been uplinked and downloaded. I've been inputted and outsourced.
I know the upside of down-sizing. I know the downside of upgrading.
I'm a hi-tech lowlife. a cutting edge, state-of-the-art, bi-coastal multi-tasker
and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound.
I'm a hot wired, heat seeking, warm hearted, cool customer;
voice activated and bio-degradable.

I interface from my database; my database is in cyberspace;
I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and, from time to time, I'm radioactive.

Behind the 8-ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave,
dodgin' the bullet, pushin' the envelope.
I'm on point, on task, on message and off drugs.
I've got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge.

I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top but under the radar.
A hi-concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary.
A street-wise smart bomb, a top gun bottom feeder.

I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps.
I'm a totally ongoing, bigfoot, slam dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach.
A raging workaholic, a working rage-a-holic, out of rehab and in denial.

I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper,
a personal assistant and a personal agenda.
You can't shut me up. You can't dumb me down.
Cause I'm tireless and I'm wireless. I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever.
Up front, down home, low rent and high maintenance.
Super sized, long lasting, hi-definition, fast acting and built to last.

I'm a hands-on, footloose, knee-jerk head case.
Prematurely post-traumatic and I have a love child who sends me hate mail.
But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing.
A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary caregiver.

My output is down but my income is up.
I take a short position on a long bond
and my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

I read junk mail, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports.
I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly and lactose intolerant.
I like rough sex, I like tough love. I use the F-word in my E-mail.
The software on my hard drive is hardcore; no soft porn.

I bought a microwave in a mini-mall.
I bought a mini-van in a mega-store.
I eat fast food in the slow lane.

I'm toll-free, bitesize, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes.
A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested,
clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened,
pre-approved, pre-packaged, post dated, freeze dried, vacuum packed and,
I have unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude but I'm the real deal.
Lean and mean; cocked, locked and ready to rock.
Rough, tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow. I go with the flow. I ride with the tide.
I've got glide in my stride.
Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin',
jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'.
I don't snooze so I don't lose.

I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road.
I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time.
I'm hangin' in, there ain't no doubt.
And I'm hangin' tough.

Over and out.


Brilliant. Now, before you click this link, who said it?

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