Mexico City: AMLO won't print money to pay his salary -- you have to

Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO) has asked that people help pay his 50,000 peso monthly salary by depositing amounts ranging from 100 to 30,000 pesos in an HSBC bank account. He began by asking the assembled press to help kick start the account. "Help me, please. You know that we don't have money and so I would hope that you will help us to spread the word that any person who would like to help support the legitimate government can make a deposit in HSBC." When a smartass reporter yelled out that HSBC was on AMLO's black list of businesses to boycot, AMLO's response was just to smirk.

AMLO holds up his last HSBC account statement. Balance: 27 pesos.

You know, I'm having a thought. If I were to pay AMLO's entire 50,000 peso salary every month, would that put him in my pocket? Would he be, as they say on the streets and in some of the crummy movies they make these days, "my bitch"?

Many years ago, Marcel Bich, scion of the French family that manufactured disposable pens and cigarette lighters, decided to begin selling his wares in the USA. He wisely hired an American marketing company to support this effort. The marketing whiz-bangs immediately informed him that he would have to change the name before offering his products to the US market.

"Americans," he was told, "will not pronounce your name, 'Bich', as 'beesh', but will instead gleefully say, 'bitch'". He was further informed that the possibilities and permutations would be endless.
"Hey, where's my bitch?" (I have missplaced my writing instrument.)
"Ain't this a bitch?" (I am more than pleased by the performance of my disposable ball point pen.)
"Heh! I tossed that bitch aside." (I have disposed of my disposable pen.)
"That bitch burned me." (I held my disposable lighter too close to my nose.)
"Man, my bitch don't put out no more." (My disposable butane lighter no longer contains sufficient gas to ignite.)
"I'm dumpin' this worthless bitch." (My disposable lighter fails to function in even the slightest breeze so I will resort to large phosphorus kitchen matches which I can strike on my jeans zipper or on the unshaven face of whatever moron happens to be standing around.)

Marcel Bich sagely accepted the marketer's advice and America was soon blessed with the Bic Banana.

True story, I swear.

While AMLO insists on referring to Felipe Calderón as a "pelele" (puppet or ventriloquist's dummy), he took the assembled reporters to task for not taking him seriously. "With all due respect," he lied, "many in the media have dedicated themselves to pimping for the right and carrying the torch for the spurious, usurper government of the dummy president." Well surely the press will begin to take him seriously when he goes around calling his opponents "dummies" and the press, "pimps". Flattery will get you anything.

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TAGS: Mexico City, AMLO, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador